10 THINGS I LOVE (MOVIES, BOOKS, TV, ETC)

PLUS SOME WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT FROM ME TO YOU

Okay, it was kind of wild timing to launch this Substack about a month before I got married. Especially since I planned my own wedding in like, six to eight weeks (longer if you count dress shopping and things like that, but I put everything together quickly with the help of countless friends!) I get why I did it…I thought about creating a Substack or a similar subscription-style content platform for years. As someone who always felt like I needed to swallow parts of myself in order to be respected in journalism or “understood” at media jobs, I knew I would love the freedom to do my own thing. But I was taking forever to do my own thing.

I wanted to do everything so perfectly, that I didn’t do it at all. It was only in planning our wedding that I realized how much better action is than preparation. Were we prepared to have a wedding? No. Did we receive everything we needed once we took action on our intention? Yes.

Nobody’s ever ready for change, even GOOD change which means getting exactly what you want. A sexy, kind husband. A warm, romantic wedding. A Substack community of loving, generous people interested in what I have to say. Whatever it is! Perfect or not.

“Perfect” is a way of hiding!

Veiled as an indicator of how much we care. It’s great to be detail-oriented (I mean, I was literally jealous of people getting to put out the cups and matchbooks at my wedding…production designer cosplay), but there’s nothing to value about being a perfectionist. It’s a form of resistance to being seen.

This resistance is normal and feels more warranted the more we care about a particular project (whether it’s a movie or a wedding or whatever…), but everything happens with action. I’ve feared failure and rejection a lot, feared not getting exactly what I want, feared being disappointed despite my best efforts, and even feared disappointing you (my friends, colleagues, loyal listeners, subscribers, etc.…).

The longer you wait to try, the more pressure you put on yourself to do whatever it is you want to do perfectly, which again, is pointless.

It was only in planning my wedding and beginning to receive the positivity and abundance in my life in such a heightened way that I knew I didn’t want to enter my MARRIAGE still fucking dreaming of launching a blog (isn’t that what this is after all….) JUST DO IT BITCH. I mean…JUST DO IT BABY.

Rewinding a little, I was going to launch this on 4/20 (a personal power number and nod to my mostly-on-hiatus street casting enterprise) with a list of my favorite parts of Paris Hilton’s memoir PARIS. Then things were going really well with my long-term writing and directorial project, so I felt like I needed to give everything to that while also taking especially good care of myself. I didn’t want to PUSH toward anything while I was in RECEIVING mode.

Then the strike happened. What I thought was happening business-wise was no longer happening, at least not at that moment or in that way. Nothing was lost except my sense of control, which was never real anyway. It felt like right as I was spiritually prepared to take action on the most meaningful creative project in my life, it was no longer the right time. I could still write, of course, I’m not even in the WGA lol, but for the first time in my life, I’d already written! I showed up for my creative life in a major way during the last couple of years, but it was done so quietly (except during coffee dates and dinners and beach trips where I talked my friends’ ears off about it). I wasn’t working as part of a community as much anymore; I was alone in my office writing and editing, building worlds that came to me more clearly when I wasn’t constantly filling my days with socializing.

In planning our wedding, I got to collaborate with a huge team of amazing artists. I got to remember and reexperience how good it feels to TAKE ACTION TOGETHER. Of course, it was in service of Bryan and me, but it was also in pursuit of a collective goal to create the most loving, beautiful evening we could. And we did!

Our wedding flooded my life with goodness, just as our relationship has. I’m glad it inspired me to launch this space without the planned posts and content calendar I’d always imagined having, and I’m grateful to each and every one of you for subscribing. Your instant support not only makes me excited to keep sharing here (podcasts are coming eventually, I swear!) but also inspires me to keep showing up for my other projects, as imperfect as they may be! Thank you for pledging your support! And a special shoutout to my ANNUAL SUBSCRIBERS and FOUNDING MEMBERS! YOU WILL GET YOUR MONEY’S WORTH!

Just because something isn’t exactly where you want it to be, it doesn’t mean other people won’t recognize its value. Just because you’re not exactly where you want to be, it doesn’t mean other people won’t recognize your value! It’s one thing to be disciplined, another to be avoidant!

CONFIDENT OPENNESS + COURAGEOUS PLAYFULLNESS is the mood!

Soooo I hope I’ve inspired you all to get married, bring your screenplay to market, or launch a Substack! Whatever it is you want to do….what are you really gaining by waiting? (Besides the comfort of knowing you’re not failing….boring!)

Until then, here are 10 things I’m loving right now:

ROTTING IN THE SUN 

I downloaded MUBI to watch this…I might even fuck around and keep it past my free 7-day trial. (If you don’t want to, I think it’s also on Amazon Prime.)

YOU HAVE TO WATCH THIS MOVIE! I loved it so much. In love with the director, co-writer, and star Sebastián Silva. An absolutely perfect role for Jordan Firstman, whose vulnerability and commitment I commend. And a star turn for Catalina Saavedra, whose facial expressions I can’t get out of my head.

There is a grotesque and hilarious moment at the beginning of the movie that sets the tone for the rest of it. A moment on par with Divine eating the dog shit in Pink Flamingos…so wrong it’s right!

It’s such a good representation of contemporary life, especially if you’ve been part of the artist (white artist) to Mexico travel pipeline…an AirBnB in Condesa by the park when you’re in CDMX, nude in Zipolite for New Year’s, etc…Mexico is my favorite country to visit, but I am definitely complicit in these travel tropes too. Bryan and I watched the movie together and noticed the beach we walked on after our temescal ceremony in the mountains and the rock between the sea and sand where we got engaged.

There’s no movie that’s better explored the distinction (or sameness) of art versus content. Creating it, experiencing it, living it.

Martine Gutierrez is also a hilarious scene-stealer. Peppered throughout, her scenes breathe life into the movie. Cringey and beautiful! As genuine as they are cynical! Her powerful charisma is all her own, but also emits an Aubrey Plaza (but weirder, hotter, and smarter energy). Tell me when you watch it!

TELEMARKETERS 

The least pretentious documentary ever! A 3-part series streaming on MAX. Structured as a first-person reflection, director Sam Lipman-Stern reveals the truth behind the first job he landed as a high-school dropout in New Jersey. The “fundraising” job taught him the coercive and manipulative tactics used by telemarketers on the phone, but that’s just the beginning of what he goes on to reveal about the company (CDG) and its huge network of corruption.

All with the support of his co-investigator and “fundraising legend” Pat Pespas, who begins the documentary nodding off on heroin while on fundraising calls and ends it sitting down with a senator to call for a hearing about what they’ve uncovered (a scene that perfectly encapsulates how quickly optimism is squashed in DC and the general American political ennui).

This documentary is informative and inspiring but also SO FUNNY. I laughed so much and was genuinely surprised too many times to count.

We all love shows about funny, fucked up workplace dynamics, but shows like The Office or Succession certainly don’t hold a candle to Telemarketers and what goes down at CDG.

THE ELISSAS: Three Girls, One Fate, and the Deadly Secrets of Suburbia

I loved this book by Samantha Leach. I think I started following Samantha after reading one of her pieces for Bustle, and I was excited to read her book when I found out it was not only about the troubled teen industry but about her own experience as the best friend of a woman who fell victim to it.

It’s kind of The Virgin Suicides meets But I’m A Cheerleader with added Jewish-American-Princess charm. These comparisons are high compliments! I loved and related to the book so much. Leach repeatedly mentions one of my teenage friends who died way too early, but I even more so identify with her pre-pubescent yearning to be a HOT DRUNK SLUT above all else. (Could you graduate high school in 2010 without wanting to be a HOT DRUNK SLUT?)

Leach wasn’t the “bad girl” who needed to be reformed by this industry. But she was “bad enough” to be best friends with someone who was, someone who died just a few years after graduating from the program. The mixture of Leach’s love, loyalty, and survivor’s guilt with her shadowy feelings of jealousy, anger, and competition make the book delectably honest. She isn’t a direct victim of the troubled teen industry herself, but her testimony shows the way pain caused by unjust systems has a neverending ripple effect.

I’m very interested in the boundaries and nuances of making the private public in your writing, both in terms of your own life and the lives of others and this book is a unique case study.

In screenwriting, the general legal rule is the more famous someone is, the more you have the legal right to tell their story without their consent. At least, that’s what I remember from my entertainment law class in college! But in recent years, it’s become increasingly popular to reject the idea of writers (and studios) being able to do so. For example, the uproar around Pamela Anderson having no input in FX’s Pam and Tommy miniseries. I understand that point, OF COURSE, especially as it relates to female agency and trauma, but I also understand that some people and events become such a part of our collective cultural history, that they take on meaning beyond just the experience of who they happened to…aka there are a few people whose stories I wanna tell! (Tell me whose miniseries you’d wanna make below!)

ANYWAY, the women in this book aren’t famous. One Elissa is the author’s childhood best friend. The other two are the best friends Elissa made in one of these unconventional rehabilitation schools (both also named Elissa, just each spelled differently, in an uncanny stroke of the universe’s storytelling). Leach has every right to tell their story as a reporter, and she tells it with a lot of respect, trust, and transparency. The intimate access she receives from all of the families indicates their support too. But the story is so delicate and so dramatic that it almost feels like we’ve gotten our hands on something we weren’t supposed to read. That’s what makes it juicy. Sacred even! At the same time, there’s an element of teenage frivolity alongside all of the cultural reporting that makes it a fun poolside read, as immersive as it is intense. Buy a copy here.

NOSE CANDY 

Chloe Coover and Maddie Phinney host this irreverent fragrance podcast with the best name. Most episodes consist of two blind smells….where each host takes turns presenting a fragrance for the other to experience and rank. I love fragrance, perfume, and everything beauty (duh) so I can be a bit of a snob when it comes to beauty podcasts, but Nose Candy hits on some of my fave parts of the larger fragrance conversation while also teaching me a lot. Not just new fragrances, but new lingo…and there’s nothing I respect more than people who can teach me new words. CHYPRE….(sheep-ruh…it’s a classic fragrance structure named after Cyprus…consisting of a woody element that’s layered with citrus and floral notes…I used to wear Chanel Coco Mademoiselle, but didn’t know it was a Chypre until I did some post-Nose Candy research). Listen here.

INVOKING SPECIFIC PLACES, FEELINGS, TASTES, AND MORE THROUGH FRAGRANCE…..SPECIAL! I love how much these two know about fragrance makers from around the world. I thought I was an expert for knowing who Frédéric Malle is, but baby…that’s just the beginning! You can also feel how Maddie and Chloe are genuinely best friends, which makes it more fun. Streams everywhere with new eps weekly.

90-DAY FIANCE: THE LAST RESORT 

If you feel some sort of pride in not partaking in the TLC universe…your loss! Especially if you watch Bravo and somehow think it’s a more valuable cultural resource than TLC. I’ve only become into the 90 Day Fiance franchises in the last couple of years, but I LOVE THEM. I don’t keep up with all of them, there are like 30 on at a time, but I never miss 90 Day Fiance: The Other Way. The Last Resort is even better though, as it brings together different couples from the various shows to receive therapy and bond together at a modest beachside resort in Florida.

My favorite aspect is the past life regression sessions filmed and explored on camera, where partners individually get in touch with their past selves and receive information about their particular bond.

Are they discussing past life soul contracts on The Bachelor? Didn’t think so!

Big Ed, the highly memed guy who relies on humor to deflect his feelings of vulnerability, was a blind leprechaun in his past life required to perform and entertain nobility like a court jester. His girlfriend Liz says this is the seventh time they’ve been together in their lifetimes, and her promise to him is to show him unconditional love. Of course, there’s no doubt I believe in past life regression, and I love seeing it used on the show as a therapeutic modality.

THE SUPER MODELS 

Last Thursday, I kept looking at the date and feeling like something was happening….I had something to do or somewhere to be. At the end of the day, freshly showered and cozy, I realized it was simply the day THE SUPER MODELS came out on Apple+. There’s no way I wasn’t going to watch it all right away, or at least over the course of a couple of days, just to spend time with the four larger-than-life figures it chronicles: CHRISTY, CINDY, NAOMI, AND LINDA. The show kind of goes in that order too, although each episode is about all of them. My favorite part is hearing about how different their experiences were becoming models, most street cast out of nowhere, but not my beloved LINDA who says “I CHOSE IT.”

All in all, the show is a great celebration of their agency as individual women and the loyalty they showed each other in a business that can be very disloyal. NAOMI is absolutely my favorite supermodel of all time in terms of SHE’S THE BEST MODEL EVER but I feel a personal pull toward LINDA who wanted this shit more than ANY OF THEM and is now outside of it the most. I love her chameleon energy, voice, and attitude. LET ALONE HER FACE. I never knew it took so many years for Linda to be seen as the superstar that she is and that she POPPED thanks to a photographer advising her to cut her hair and the encouragement of French Vogue legend Franca Sozzani. This series isn’t some insanely amazing piece of art documentary (the way Telemarketers is, hello!) but it is fun, nostalgic, and emotional. Who doesn’t miss a time when fashion was aspirational?

I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT: THE 1979 TEENAGE DIARIES OF SEAN DeLEAR

OMG! Semiotext(e) published this previously unseen diary from 1979, discovered in the wake of Sean DeLear’s death. I was friendly with Sean De but pretty clueless about the full scope of their cultural output. I was also clueless that they were from Simi Valley, which I have to clarify is not part of THE VALLEY (the San Fernando Valley) but it’s pretty close, even more suburban, and most famous for being the place where police used extremely excessive force against Rodney King. I’m still in the middle of this book now, but it’s a delight. Even the most mundane facts about their day take on new meaning in this context. I appreciate every detail of their desires, and how the diary reveals that being a teenager is all about experiencing endless desire. It’s also a reminder that every super cool person was a desperate teenager once! Sean De steals film at Thrifty, spends school days shooting their friends on their camera, and wonders when they’ll receive the piano their grandma left them in their will. Of course, our experiences are completely different in terms of identity and the era, but finding out all Sean De wanted to do on a Friday night in middle school was to go to the Topanga Plaza was familiar and heartening. Buy it here.

(Also, the book is even more of a GIFT because it keeps Sean De alive in words and spirit. What more can you ask for? I wish I could read all of my dead friends’ diaries.)

THE WIRE 

I know this show is 20+ years old and lauded as one of the best pieces of television EVER, but I still went to bed at 8 p.m. in 2002. I wasn’t tuning into any incendiary HBO crime dramas. I’ve watched the first three seasons with Bryan since the start of summer and have two left now. AVON BARKSDALE! STRINGER BELL! JIMMY FUCKING McNULTY! OMAR! BUBBLES! The Wire is the best show!!! And the characters have the best, most memorable, most fitting, and most original names. I love The Sopranos, but I feel like The Wire deserves the same incessant amount of love, praise, and cult fandom as The Sopranos receives. No show has ever broken my heart and horrified me so much while also pulling me in and making me crave more time spent in that world. Everyone is so human, so dimensional, so real and loveable, even the people you hate at first or who make massive mistakes, and the way they weave together story threads is crazy. Such a huge ensemble but every piece makes perfect sense. I WANT TO MEET DAVID SIMON. It makes sense that he was a reporter in Baltimore for more than a decade before going on to write books and shows about the beats he covered. I love the episode where one police has to explain what a text message is to another, but that aside, it holds up 100% and feels fresher than many shows made or released in 2023. Streams on Max!

John Waters: Pope of Trash at the Academy Museum

If you look at Instagram, you’ll see I’ve already waxed poetic about how great this exhibit was. A lot of John Waters fans are such superfans that it leaves us regular fans feeling outside of the bubble (as he jokes, some cults are good!) But whether you’ve never missed one of his movies or you’ve never seen one, this exhibit has something for everybody. It’s gloriously pink, full of amazing items from his archive at Wesleyan University, and heightened by the use of sensory details to make us feel part of his world (I loved the music room!) The museum gave me a copy of the show’s catalog, and I’m excited because it features an essay about Waters by none other than David Simon!

OK…that’s all my faves for now.

I’ll be back with more substance for my Substack soon, but if any of you are looking to get a little writing done this October, or just want to begin something new, I’ll be participating in Jami Attenberg’s “1000 words” challenge this October 7-12. More information is on her Substack.